I thought you loved me, so why do I feel this way?
Like it’s just something you say when the moment seems right,
not something that actively lives in your heart and mind every day.
Feelings are just that, feelings. But it’s also because of them, that we do the things we do.
It’s because of our feelings, our desires for one another and hopes to execute shared dreams, that we invest and feed each other’s souls.
What do we do when it all seems to be in jeopardy?
When you wonder if it was all an illusion?
You lied to me; I lied to myself.
Perhaps it is me.
I’m my own worst enemy.
Pic shot by me in Prospect Park, Brooklyn.
I spend so much time trying to represent strength because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of being vulnerable; that somehow vulnerability equates to weakness. But it doesn’t.
Strength also means being receptive, understanding that emotions are messy and complex. We’re human beings at the end of the day. We always make things harder than they need to be.
Photo taken by me at Domino Park, Williamsburg.
Trying to make sense of things and it just never happens.
Some days or moments, I’m spared and can feel pure elation, happiness.
Some days or moments I feel absolutely weary.
Photo shot by me, Prospect Park.
a home isn’t a home;
only a place to rest your head.
Shot by me in Crown Heights, Brooklyn.
It’s all unknown,
simply left with our desires of what we may or may not want in our lives –
present and future tense.
Shot by me in Prospect Park, Brooklyn
We all need a support system.
Sometimes we’re down and need to be alone,
sometimes we need the support of those near and dear to us;
the ones who care about our well being,
our mental states,
the ones who may not always agree with what we do,
but are there to listen to the troubles that keep us up at night.
Even if they give you advice that you don’t take,
they’re still there for you,
because that’s what friends do.
They’re there for the good and the bad;
even if you end up making poor decisions,
they will be there because they love you;
they respect that your life is yours to live,
they understand their own shortcomings
and stay around to see you make it to the other side,
to help congratulate you when you overcome it all
and you’re ever so thankful that they didn’t give up on you.
Shot by me in Crown Heights, Brooklyn
A young girl from Queens,
Central Park was my playground.
E, F, and R trains, with direct routes to Midtown,
placing you at the entrance or within walking distance.
Climbing up and down monstrous rocks and boulders,
quite a feat for a child-
Rollerblading on paved park streets of concrete,
swerving in and out of big orange cones.
All weekend hobbies of mine.
Taking breaks between classes,
During four years at Fordham University –
my alma a few blocks away, at Lincoln Center.
Central Park, it was my campus.
Walking through the park with
Friends, family, and lovers,
Walking through the park to work,
Part-time gig a few blocks away on
5th Avenue, New York’s tourist trap
and shopping strip.
Central Park reminds me of my youth,
of my young adulthood,
of my strong connection to the New York
that raised me.
Shot by me in Central Park, New York
It was too easy;
the lies rolled off your tongue
like flooded waters.
Something once peaceful
now a messy nuisance.
The water expands,
the salt corrodes,
everything is damaged in its wake.
Thank you for being you,
for unknowingly being a muse,
for cracking through my somewhat tough exterior.
Thank you for believing in me, for encouraging me to be more active about things I was passive about.
I’m still a work in progress, sometimes I fall off, but I think about what you’d say to me if you saw me slacking off.
Shot by me in Prospect Park, Brooklyn
An ombré of yellow into grey,
lightning bolts pierce the sky.
Flashes of light,
heavy water droplets thrown from the heavens,
clouds clash and the grounds rumble.
It’s a summer storm,
one of the best kinds.
Pic taken by me, Brooklyn New York
It was thick and opaque like fog rolling in overnight.
A silent killer, eating me away inside;
I didn’t even realize –
My heart was hardening.
Mind always racing, pacing, thinking.
A paralyzing anxiety.
Don’t let self-doubts get in the way of fully achieving your desires.
Be fluid, like water.
Pic taken by me at Prospect Park, Brooklyn.
Speaking the language of pain,
longing to be accepted and loved.
Fighting this battle has become a pastime,
Engaging in scenarios that trigger fears, anxieties, insecurities.
Throwing herself into the mix with dysfunctional characters
who can’t get past their silly egos;
their fragile self-perceptions.
But you know, maybe it’s her,
Maybe it’s because she’s broken.
via Daily Prompt: Broken
Life and death,
everything is so transient.
Pic taken by me in Greenwood Cemetery, Brooklyn NY
A title can never dictate how the heart feels.
Nor does it define a relationship.
It can’t rationalize the bullshit swept under the rug.
Titles, formalities, ceremonies – seemingly emphasized more than the quality of the relationship.
What happens when the ceremony that’s supposed to usher you into a life of partnered stability, protection, and safety causes distress?
When the vows and foundation are broken,
when heartache sprouts like weeds through concrete.
Pic taken by me in Brooklyn, New York
via Daily Prompt: Ceremony
There’s something about the way you observe people,
you notice the little things;
it intrigues me.
Pic taken by me, Prospect Park
Though I’ve been reckless and selfish,
our memories are engrained in my mind.
Your tender words have been inscribed on my heart;
Perhaps they were lies,
Perhaps it was the truth that you were too afraid to accept;
I hope it’s the latter, no matter how dangerous that may be.
Shot by me, NYC.
Shrouded in darkness, the overbearing weight of negativity
creeping in like the fog that rolls in overnight.
A silent killer,
eating at me from the inside.
In no time,
I got lost in the dense, opaqueness
All the thoughts in my mind,
A wolf in sheep’s clothing,
that’s what he was.
Every now and then you questioned his sincerity,
claiming to be soft and tender like the sheep,
yet he stepped on you with paws,
encased talons ripped your heart to shreds.
When aggravated or displeased,
he gnarled like an angry wolf,
ready to pounce;
willing to taste your blood on his tongue.
Not simply a malcontent,
a completely different animal.
You reached for him.
In a moment’s notice,
pulled off his cloak,
unsheathed his identity.
He recoiled in cowardice,
He wanted to disappear.
Shot by me at Queens County Farm.
via Daily Prompt: Disappear
Leave when there’s nothing left to lose.
Eventually, you’ll lose your sanity.
Your conscious burdened,
like heavy snowfall on tree branches.