I thought you loved me, so why do I feel this way?
Like it’s just something you say when the moment seems right,
not something that actively lives in your heart and mind every day.
Feelings are just that, feelings. But it’s also because of them, that we do the things we do.
It’s because of our feelings, our desires for one another and hopes to execute shared dreams, that we invest and feed each other’s souls.
What do we do when it all seems to be in jeopardy?
When you wonder if it was all an illusion?
You lied to me; I lied to myself.
Perhaps it is me.
I’m my own worst enemy.
Pic shot by me in Prospect Park, Brooklyn.
We all need a support system.
Sometimes we’re down and need to be alone,
sometimes we need the support of those near and dear to us;
the ones who care about our well being,
our mental states,
the ones who may not always agree with what we do,
but are there to listen to the troubles that keep us up at night.
Even if they give you advice that you don’t take,
they’re still there for you,
because that’s what friends do.
They’re there for the good and the bad;
even if you end up making poor decisions,
they will be there because they love you;
they respect that your life is yours to live,
they understand their own shortcomings
and stay around to see you make it to the other side,
to help congratulate you when you overcome it all
and you’re ever so thankful that they didn’t give up on you.
Shot by me in Crown Heights, Brooklyn
It was too easy;
the lies rolled off your tongue
like flooded waters.
Something once peaceful
now a messy nuisance.
The water expands,
the salt corrodes,
everything is damaged in its wake.
Some days, I’m not even fully sure what the human experience is supposed to be like. Why are we blessed with these brains that don’t serve us to our higher potential?Sometimes I misspeak words, overthink things, get distracted, criticize myself, worry, stress, complicate things, forget.
But I have to stay motivated, keep myself focused and remember to be kind to myself, because it’s hard. I’m no longer in my twenties and I think life is finally starting to break me down a little bit. Even though I try not to let it.
I have to believe that I can manifest greatness in my life, but I have to be an active participant; I can’t just wait for it to happen.
Shot by me in Central Park, New York
A title can never dictate how the heart feels.
Nor does it define a relationship.
It can’t rationalize the bullshit swept under the rug.
Titles, formalities, ceremonies – seemingly emphasized more than the quality of the relationship.
What happens when the ceremony that’s supposed to usher you into a life of partnered stability, protection, and safety causes distress?
When the vows and foundation are broken,
when heartache sprouts like weeds through concrete.
Pic taken by me in Brooklyn, New York
via Daily Prompt: Ceremony
Though I’ve been reckless and selfish,
our memories are engrained in my mind.
Your tender words have been inscribed on my heart;
Perhaps they were lies,
Perhaps it was the truth that you were too afraid to accept;
I hope it’s the latter, no matter how dangerous that may be.
Shot by me, NYC.
A wolf in sheep’s clothing,
that’s what he was.
Every now and then you questioned his sincerity,
claiming to be soft and tender like the sheep,
yet he stepped on you with paws,
encased talons ripped your heart to shreds.
When aggravated or displeased,
he gnarled like an angry wolf,
ready to pounce;
willing to taste your blood on his tongue.
Not simply a malcontent,
a completely different animal.
You reached for him.
In a moment’s notice,
pulled off his cloak,
unsheathed his identity.
He recoiled in cowardice,
He wanted to disappear.
Shot by me at Queens County Farm.
via Daily Prompt: Disappear
Beware of unclear boundaries and unspoken expectations.
Pic shot by me in Financial District, NYC.
A relationship extended beyond its expiration date;
each lacked the courage to leave,
to walk away from that which was unfulfilling.
Compromising satisfaction for familiarity,
because of time invested.
Never mind the instability,
the pain inflicted upon one another.
What was thought to be “love,”
was only selfishness.
Then you ask yourself,
did you live a lie?
Our hearts beat for one another
While simultaneously being torn apart.
Now all you have is the silence
The unspoken words float through the air,
a suffocating thickness
We disregard each other as if we weren’t just
completely intertwined under the moonlit stars
As if we didn’t just lay our souls bare for each other
As if we didn’t lay our chests on one another
to hear our heartbeats pound away in unison.
Photo by me: Wonder Wheel in Luna Park, Coney Island