I thought you loved me, so why do I feel this way?
Like it’s just something you say when the moment seems right,
not something that actively lives in your heart and mind every day.
Feelings are just that, feelings. But it’s also because of them, that we do the things we do.
It’s because of our feelings, our desires for one another and hopes to execute shared dreams, that we invest and feed each other’s souls.
What do we do when it all seems to be in jeopardy?
When you wonder if it was all an illusion?
You lied to me; I lied to myself.
Perhaps it is me.
I’m my own worst enemy.
Pic shot by me in Prospect Park, Brooklyn.
I spend so much time trying to represent strength because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of being vulnerable; that somehow vulnerability equates to weakness. But it doesn’t.
Strength also means being receptive, understanding that emotions are messy and complex. We’re human beings at the end of the day. We always make things harder than they need to be.
Photo taken by me at Domino Park, Williamsburg.
It’s all unknown,
simply left with our desires of what we may or may not want in our lives –
present and future tense.
Shot by me in Prospect Park, Brooklyn
We all need a support system.
Sometimes we’re down and need to be alone,
sometimes we need the support of those near and dear to us;
the ones who care about our well being,
our mental states,
the ones who may not always agree with what we do,
but are there to listen to the troubles that keep us up at night.
Even if they give you advice that you don’t take,
they’re still there for you,
because that’s what friends do.
They’re there for the good and the bad;
even if you end up making poor decisions,
they will be there because they love you;
they respect that your life is yours to live,
they understand their own shortcomings
and stay around to see you make it to the other side,
to help congratulate you when you overcome it all
and you’re ever so thankful that they didn’t give up on you.
Shot by me in Crown Heights, Brooklyn
A young girl from Queens,
Central Park was my playground.
E, F, and R trains, with direct routes to Midtown,
placing you at the entrance or within walking distance.
Climbing up and down monstrous rocks and boulders,
quite a feat for a child-
Rollerblading on paved park streets of concrete,
swerving in and out of big orange cones.
All weekend hobbies of mine.
Taking breaks between classes,
During four years at Fordham University –
my alma a few blocks away, at Lincoln Center.
Central Park, it was my campus.
Walking through the park with
Friends, family, and lovers,
Walking through the park to work,
Part-time gig a few blocks away on
5th Avenue, New York’s tourist trap
and shopping strip.
Central Park reminds me of my youth,
of my young adulthood,
of my strong connection to the New York
that raised me.
Shot by me in Central Park, New York
Some days, I’m not even fully sure what the human experience is supposed to be like. Why are we blessed with these brains that don’t serve us to our higher potential?Sometimes I misspeak words, overthink things, get distracted, criticize myself, worry, stress, complicate things, forget.
But I have to stay motivated, keep myself focused and remember to be kind to myself, because it’s hard. I’m no longer in my twenties and I think life is finally starting to break me down a little bit. Even though I try not to let it.
I have to believe that I can manifest greatness in my life, but I have to be an active participant; I can’t just wait for it to happen.
Shot by me in Central Park, New York
Thank you for being you,
for unknowingly being a muse,
for cracking through my somewhat tough exterior.
Thank you for believing in me, for encouraging me to be more active about things I was passive about.
I’m still a work in progress, sometimes I fall off, but I think about what you’d say to me if you saw me slacking off.
Shot by me in Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Don’t let self-doubts get in the way of fully achieving your desires.
Be fluid, like water.
Pic taken by me at Prospect Park, Brooklyn.
Life and death,
everything is so transient.
Pic taken by me in Greenwood Cemetery, Brooklyn NY
Do I take enough time to pause?
Repressing less desirable feelings,
coasting on autopilot,
trying to be unbothered.
It’ll all be okay,
it will all work itself out.
Maybe if I believe it enough,
it will be true.
Pic taken by me, Riverside Park, NYC
Slaves to time,
a concept that
quietly dictates our lives.
Getting things done
while waiting for it to pass,
so we can overcome certain feelings,
and look forward to pleasantries.
We anticipate events and outcomes;
We live as if time really is a linear concept
But what is time really?
How do you define it?
an omnipresent shadow.
If there’s one thing to know about time,
there’s only the present moment.
Picture taken by me in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.
Nature, the world’s organic symphony
Take some time to listen –
Hear the trees sway,
sometimes they whisper in a light breeze
or howl like the lone wolf on a windy night.
Birds remind us that wildlife lives among us,
chirping, calling out to one another in a foreign language
A background soundtrack to your clamoring thoughts.
Rest your tired mind
Give yourself permission to feel free like the birds
To move where the winds direct you
Nature always follows the path of least resistance.
A wise man once told me,
you have to make time
to do the things that
make you happy.
It almost seemed too easy –
and so it was.
I made the time.
Pic taken by me, Coronado Island, San Diego.
the sunrise is a blessing.
Glittering rays kiss my face,
the possibilities of a new day;
Thankful for this moment,
a peaceful calm only nature can offer
Soothing sounds of waves rolling onto the shore,
Oh, the difference each day makes
A new liberation
as the sun warms all in its wake
Arousing a joy so pure, so stimulating,
Because it comes from within;
be true to yourself and find peace,
calm the internal stirrings
Embrace the dark with the light
The yin and yang, the language of the universe
There will always be a piece of the yin in the yang
There will always be a piece of the yang in the yin
Masculine and feminine
These two forces will always be one
To think positively, to appreciate the good in life
Comes the responsibility of addressing the shadows
The undercurrents of our souls that don’t always look so pretty
The acceptance that the undesirable always lurks around the corner
As above so below
Maintain the balance and become whole with yourself
Pic: Taken by me, St. Louis Cemetery #1 – New Orleans, LA
The photos in this post are not taken from today, but I’m reminded of this moment in time due to today’s first snow shower in Brooklyn. It’s been quite warm as of late, and aside from our blast of cool air this weekend – tomorrow will be a high of 54 and rainy; I’m not looking forward to it.
The photos I’m sharing are from snow days we had earlier in 2016 – when I was inspired to go outside and capture moments of peace and natural beauty. The first blanketing of snow on the concrete is a magical transformation. To see the glimmer from the snowflakes, the encapsulating white, is to enjoy winter at its best. Yes, it’s cold, but it’s never too cold to go out and enjoy it!
Snow always calls for adventures. Whether it’s snowball fights, sledding, or rolling down hills, I appreciate how it summons our inner child to play. The snow slows us down, both physically and mentally. We savor the time watching the flakes fall from the sky, witnessing our environment change before our eyes. We know commutes will be longer and we’ll have to shovel and make paths – but we also know it’s the perfect excuse to get the fireplace started and drink something warm.
I’m taking this opportunity to romanticize the snow. To think about the comfort of relaxing with a book, wine, knitting, or loved one. To think about staying in for the day and not feel ashamed of it. Well, unless there’s work. But isn’t there something pleasant and tranquil about a snowfall?
(all pictures taken by me)