I thought you loved me, so why do I feel this way?
Like it’s just something you say when the moment seems right,
not something that actively lives in your heart and mind every day.
Feelings are just that, feelings. But it’s also because of them, that we do the things we do.
It’s because of our feelings, our desires for one another and hopes to execute shared dreams, that we invest and feed each other’s souls.
What do we do when it all seems to be in jeopardy?
When you wonder if it was all an illusion?
You lied to me; I lied to myself.
Perhaps it is me.
I’m my own worst enemy.
Pic shot by me in Prospect Park, Brooklyn.
It’s all unknown,
simply left with our desires of what we may or may not want in our lives –
present and future tense.
Shot by me in Prospect Park, Brooklyn
It was too easy;
the lies rolled off your tongue
like flooded waters.
Something once peaceful
now a messy nuisance.
The water expands,
the salt corrodes,
everything is damaged in its wake.
Thank you for being you,
for unknowingly being a muse,
for cracking through my somewhat tough exterior.
Thank you for believing in me, for encouraging me to be more active about things I was passive about.
I’m still a work in progress, sometimes I fall off, but I think about what you’d say to me if you saw me slacking off.
Shot by me in Prospect Park, Brooklyn
An ombré of yellow into grey,
lightning bolts pierce the sky.
Flashes of light,
heavy water droplets thrown from the heavens,
clouds clash and the grounds rumble.
It’s a summer storm,
one of the best kinds.
Pic taken by me, Brooklyn New York
It was thick and opaque like fog rolling in overnight.
A silent killer, eating me away inside;
I didn’t even realize –
My heart was hardening.
Mind always racing, pacing, thinking.
A paralyzing anxiety.
Life and death,
everything is so transient.
Pic taken by me in Greenwood Cemetery, Brooklyn NY
There’s something about the way you observe people,
you notice the little things;
it intrigues me.
Pic taken by me, Prospect Park
Though I’ve been reckless and selfish,
our memories are engrained in my mind.
Your tender words have been inscribed on my heart;
Perhaps they were lies,
Perhaps it was the truth that you were too afraid to accept;
I hope it’s the latter, no matter how dangerous that may be.
Shot by me, NYC.
Leave when there’s nothing left to lose.
Eventually, you’ll lose your sanity.
Your conscious burdened,
like heavy snowfall on tree branches.
Seems to be more than just a feeling, a lifestyle.
Pic taken by me on Fulton Street by South Street Seaport, NYC.
Bombarded by those thoughts,
a war zone inside my head.
Bombs go off,
stand tall like a soldier;
I want to fall down and cry.
Beware of unclear boundaries and unspoken expectations.
Pic shot by me in Financial District, NYC.
A relationship extended beyond its expiration date;
each lacked the courage to leave,
to walk away from that which was unfulfilling.
Compromising satisfaction for familiarity,
because of time invested.
Never mind the instability,
the pain inflicted upon one another.
What was thought to be “love,”
was only selfishness.
Then you ask yourself,
did you live a lie?
intensified by concrete and steel.
Throngs of people crowd the streets,
dirt envelops all surfaces,
the scent of rancid garbage permeates the air.
Despite it all,
rain is beautiful on a steamy day;
the petrichor feeds my soul,
relief has washed over my body.
Shot by me at The Brooklyn Barge, Brooklyn NY
I watched it die
Once a big bountiful plant,
it soon shrank in size
Flowers ceased to blossom from its petals
I couldn’t cultivate new ones
I tried my hardest –
I watered it when dry,
yet not enough light
I placed it in the sun
With light too direct, the leaves burned
Given the circumstances,
I tried what I could –
cut the leaves back
and relocate the plant
Incapable of keeping up with the maintenance
Apparently, I signed on for too much
I watched leaves crunch and wither away
Excited by the prospects of growth,
Sanguine about newly sprouted green leaves
Ever so watchful,
I gave it what I could;
out of nowhere,
the new growth dangled then died off
Ultimately, the conditions weren’t right;
though I tried,
I couldn’t nurture this plant.
When was there a time
that we spent together,
where we weren’t being tormented
by our demons.
Shot by me in the Vatican Museum, Rome, Italy (Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden)
Nature, the world’s organic symphony
Take some time to listen –
Hear the trees sway,
sometimes they whisper in a light breeze
or howl like the lone wolf on a windy night.
Birds remind us that wildlife lives among us,
chirping, calling out to one another in a foreign language
A background soundtrack to your clamoring thoughts.
Rest your tired mind
Give yourself permission to feel free like the birds
To move where the winds direct you
Nature always follows the path of least resistance.
And so they fall faintly,
The tears from your weeping soul.
Pic taken by me at the Whitney Museum, NYC
A wise man once told me,
you have to make time
to do the things that
make you happy.
It almost seemed too easy –
and so it was.
I made the time.
Pic taken by me, Coronado Island, San Diego.