I spend so much time trying to represent strength because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of being vulnerable; that somehow vulnerability equates to weakness. But it doesn’t.
Strength also means being receptive, understanding that emotions are messy and complex. We’re human beings at the end of the day. We always make things harder than they need to be.
Photo taken by me at Domino Park, Williamsburg.
We all need a support system.
Sometimes we’re down and need to be alone,
sometimes we need the support of those near and dear to us;
the ones who care about our well being,
our mental states,
the ones who may not always agree with what we do,
but are there to listen to the troubles that keep us up at night.
Even if they give you advice that you don’t take,
they’re still there for you,
because that’s what friends do.
They’re there for the good and the bad;
even if you end up making poor decisions,
they will be there because they love you;
they respect that your life is yours to live,
they understand their own shortcomings
and stay around to see you make it to the other side,
to help congratulate you when you overcome it all
and you’re ever so thankful that they didn’t give up on you.
Shot by me in Crown Heights, Brooklyn
A young girl from Queens,
Central Park was my playground.
E, F, and R trains, with direct routes to Midtown,
placing you at the entrance or within walking distance.
Climbing up and down monstrous rocks and boulders,
quite a feat for a child-
Rollerblading on paved park streets of concrete,
swerving in and out of big orange cones.
All weekend hobbies of mine.
Taking breaks between classes,
During four years at Fordham University –
my alma a few blocks away, at Lincoln Center.
Central Park, it was my campus.
Walking through the park with
Friends, family, and lovers,
Walking through the park to work,
Part-time gig a few blocks away on
5th Avenue, New York’s tourist trap
and shopping strip.
Central Park reminds me of my youth,
of my young adulthood,
of my strong connection to the New York
that raised me.
Shot by me in Central Park, New York
It was too easy;
the lies rolled off your tongue
like flooded waters.
Something once peaceful
now a messy nuisance.
The water expands,
the salt corrodes,
everything is damaged in its wake.
Some days, I’m not even fully sure what the human experience is supposed to be like. Why are we blessed with these brains that don’t serve us to our higher potential?Sometimes I misspeak words, overthink things, get distracted, criticize myself, worry, stress, complicate things, forget.
But I have to stay motivated, keep myself focused and remember to be kind to myself, because it’s hard. I’m no longer in my twenties and I think life is finally starting to break me down a little bit. Even though I try not to let it.
I have to believe that I can manifest greatness in my life, but I have to be an active participant; I can’t just wait for it to happen.
Shot by me in Central Park, New York
Thank you for being you,
for unknowingly being a muse,
for cracking through my somewhat tough exterior.
Thank you for believing in me, for encouraging me to be more active about things I was passive about.
I’m still a work in progress, sometimes I fall off, but I think about what you’d say to me if you saw me slacking off.
Shot by me in Prospect Park, Brooklyn
It was thick and opaque like fog rolling in overnight.
A silent killer, eating me away inside;
I didn’t even realize –
My heart was hardening.
Mind always racing, pacing, thinking.
A paralyzing anxiety.
Don’t let self-doubts get in the way of fully achieving your desires.
Be fluid, like water.
Pic taken by me at Prospect Park, Brooklyn.
Speaking the language of pain,
longing to be accepted and loved.
Fighting this battle has become a pastime,
Engaging in scenarios that trigger fears, anxieties, insecurities.
Throwing herself into the mix with dysfunctional characters
who can’t get past their silly egos;
their fragile self-perceptions.
But you know, maybe it’s her,
Maybe it’s because she’s broken.
via Daily Prompt: Broken
Life and death,
everything is so transient.
Pic taken by me in Greenwood Cemetery, Brooklyn NY
A title can never dictate how the heart feels.
Nor does it define a relationship.
It can’t rationalize the bullshit swept under the rug.
Titles, formalities, ceremonies – seemingly emphasized more than the quality of the relationship.
What happens when the ceremony that’s supposed to usher you into a life of partnered stability, protection, and safety causes distress?
When the vows and foundation are broken,
when heartache sprouts like weeds through concrete.
Pic taken by me in Brooklyn, New York
via Daily Prompt: Ceremony
Though I’ve been reckless and selfish,
our memories are engrained in my mind.
Your tender words have been inscribed on my heart;
Perhaps they were lies,
Perhaps it was the truth that you were too afraid to accept;
I hope it’s the latter, no matter how dangerous that may be.
Shot by me, NYC.
Shrouded in darkness, the overbearing weight of negativity
creeping in like the fog that rolls in overnight.
A silent killer,
eating at me from the inside.
In no time,
I got lost in the dense, opaqueness
All the thoughts in my mind,
A wolf in sheep’s clothing,
that’s what he was.
Every now and then you questioned his sincerity,
claiming to be soft and tender like the sheep,
yet he stepped on you with paws,
encased talons ripped your heart to shreds.
When aggravated or displeased,
he gnarled like an angry wolf,
ready to pounce;
willing to taste your blood on his tongue.
Not simply a malcontent,
a completely different animal.
You reached for him.
In a moment’s notice,
pulled off his cloak,
unsheathed his identity.
He recoiled in cowardice,
He wanted to disappear.
Shot by me at Queens County Farm.
via Daily Prompt: Disappear
Leave when there’s nothing left to lose.
Eventually, you’ll lose your sanity.
Your conscious burdened,
like heavy snowfall on tree branches.
Seems to be more than just a feeling, a lifestyle.
Pic taken by me on Fulton Street by South Street Seaport, NYC.
Bombarded by those thoughts,
a war zone inside my head.
Bombs go off,
stand tall like a soldier;
I want to fall down and cry.
Do I take enough time to pause?
Repressing less desirable feelings,
coasting on autopilot,
trying to be unbothered.
It’ll all be okay,
it will all work itself out.
Maybe if I believe it enough,
it will be true.
Pic taken by me, Riverside Park, NYC
A relationship extended beyond its expiration date;
each lacked the courage to leave,
to walk away from that which was unfulfilling.
Compromising satisfaction for familiarity,
because of time invested.
Never mind the instability,
the pain inflicted upon one another.
What was thought to be “love,”
was only selfishness.
Then you ask yourself,
did you live a lie?
Nature, the world’s organic symphony
Take some time to listen –
Hear the trees sway,
sometimes they whisper in a light breeze
or howl like the lone wolf on a windy night.
Birds remind us that wildlife lives among us,
chirping, calling out to one another in a foreign language
A background soundtrack to your clamoring thoughts.
Rest your tired mind
Give yourself permission to feel free like the birds
To move where the winds direct you
Nature always follows the path of least resistance.